(not to sound cliche, but) the test of love

We usually will offer comfort to someone in distress. I guess especially so when we’re in a pleasant mood. I can give you the time of my day and a shoulder to cry on. I can listen empathetically and feel for your difficult situation. Does that make me a true friend? A good friend, maybe. But a true friend who really does love you? I’m not sure. I can feel for you. But in the same way, I also feel for the perfect guy who gets dumped by the love of his life in almost every Hollywood chick flick. Am I a friend of this imaginary character? Well, I hope not.

So it occurred to me, quite recently actually, that the test of love isn’t when tragedy takes place. Rather, it’s when something especially fortunate happens to, not you, but your friend. This is the time when we feel jealous, envy, and sometimes even dark thoughts such as I can’t believe she/he is so lucky!! creep in behind our forced smiles and laughter.

When someone is feeling sad, we don’t feel jealous of their situation. In reverse, we may feel more fortunate about ourselves. And then, when we offer solace and comfort to the needed, we feel good about ourselves too. But what about when someone you know is having it really good? Do you feel happy for them? Or is it a fake happy? 

I think that is how we know who we really do love and care about. When you feel completely happy for that person. Then that’s when you truly care about their welfare, and not just in our own interest. Unless there is a conflict of interests…..but that’s for another story another time. 

Irrational beliefs

Ahh…so today I studied. What an intellectual day I have had so far. Ha. Ha. Anyways, I came across this quotation that I would like to share with you guys:

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them."

This was said by Epictetus (why do philosophers all have some crazy names? hm…I wonder what my name would be were I a philosopher……) So this guy was from the first century A.D. It literally blows my mind just trying to imagine what life was like during those years when 7 out of 10 men were philosophers - seriously thinking all day long. WOW.

So what do you guys think? Agree? Disagree?


There is book that I am reading called Rational-Emotive Theory. In it’s essence, it’s message is that we humans are prone to irrational thinking. We are taught at a young age the need to be perfect through all the “must’s” and “should’s” of life. If my boyfriend doesn’t call me, then I think it is because he doesn’t love me anymore. Then I conclude that I am not lovable. But why do we think this way? Why do we put our self-worth on what we achieve or what is reciprocated back to us? Should we not accept ourselves and use this as a positive motivation to do better next time round? I find it a very empowering stance to take. Basically, it’s saying that we feel what we think. Here’s a short excerpt from the book that I find true to the core:

"Goddamit it! I’m determined not to put myself down even if I never do many things well. Rating yourself as OK is also wrong. Why are you OK? Proving that you’re OK is just as impossible, empirically, as proving that you’re a bad person. I am I. Nancy. Now how the hell do I enjoy myself without trying to prove myself? You see, you can choose not to label yourself at all. You don’t need a grade for yourself, a continual report card."

 I guess that’s something for you to ponder upon….next time you feel disappointed, distressed or upset, maybe you can look deeper into it. Is there a major irrational flaw in your basic belief system?

Joe's life sucks too okay?

The other day I was chatting with my wonderful friend when things got deep. Yea, us philosophical beings like to delve into the depths of our souls searching for meaning within all this turmoil. No, in reality, every conversation of ours somehow includes either strippers, sex, babies or our secretly gay friends. Very odd indeed.

Anyways, things got a little deeper and a little more meaningful during our recent conversation. Well, there was still the occasional update about our secretly gay friend who has been hitting on our straight friend. Anyways, that’s for another story. What I wanted to talk about today was what we talked about the other day. My friend mentioned that life has been very stressful lately with work, family, study, relationships (or lack of) and what not. Friend says life has been lonely and feels as though no one understands.

Now I’m sure most of us have felt like that one way or another. I am also on board. So I shared about my insecurities, stress and just having to adapt to many changes and unexpected things which came about. Funny because we often think other people’s lives just seem so much better. Well, sorry hun, but there’s no such thing as perfect.


The average Joe will mostly likely show his bright and shiny face to the world and save the dark and twisty side for the self. Or the ice cream tub. Whichever applies. However, the average Joe will also think that other people’s bright and shiny faces are still bright and shiny when they go to bed each night as well. *BE-BEEP* Wrong answer, dude!

So whilst you may be looking enviously at Joe’s bright and shiny face, Joe may also be looking enviously at your bright and shiny face. So for all you depressed / stressed out / freaking out / wanting to die because you feel so alone….well Joe’s life sucks too.

There, do you feel a little bit better about your life now?



ps. I’m loving this cute drawing of this dog in rollers holding an ice-cream with the signs “no dogs, no ice cream, no rollers”. Don’t we all feel like that at some point in our lives? But if you can just see the humour in the plate of shit that life serves you………

the thing about making up your mind...

New Year Resolutions. Everyone makes them, but not even a handful can keep them. You probably know that by mid-January, most people are through with the determination and the lists and “must-do-this-year” things. Me included. I think New Year Resolutions should have its name changed to “To-do list for the first week of January”.

Coming to think about it, I seem to have made the same New Year Resolutions over and over. Shouldn’t I have learnt by now? Well, not exactly. Each year, I tell myself that this year will be different. Don’t we all love a “fresh start”. There’s just something so appealing about starting new that we keep doing it over and over … even when reality smacks us right in the face come December when we make the same resolutions…. again.

Why do we do that? Maybe because it is just so easy to push our failures into the “past” and “start over”. It is always nice when we don’t need to own up to our failures or admit to ourselves the reason for the failure. It is much gentler to our egos when we just turn the page and have a “fresh start”. We humans have this impeccable ability to self-deny and self-soothe.

I know that each year I say to myself that I will be more organized, keep the house clean, do all my work on a timely schedule and never run late again. There’s always an excuse, but never a good enough reason to start. Second chances don’t come around often, but since this is Chinese New Year…..I guess this will be my “fresh start” …again.

So … this New Year, my resolution is to never have to make the same resolution AGAIN. I’m thinking of the quote from Simpsons where Homer tells Bart, “Son, you tried and you’ve failed. The lesson here is to NEVER TRY.”

I’m tempted to say….the lesson here is to never make resolutions.

Do you make resolutions? Have you managed to keep them? Or are you like Calvin here, who says “Resolutions? Me? Just what are you implying? That I need to change? Well, buddy, as far as I’m concerned, I’m perfect the way I am!”