The aftermath of Snow

This year was my first white Christmas!! All is beautiful when it snows; white, fluffy, gentle and calm… even the crazy taxi drivers slow down (not necessarily to enjoy the scenery, but more so out of fear of slipping) and people walk around at a slower pace (who would’ve thought asians could actually walk slow?). The first few times it snowed, I think I went somewhat insane. I jumped around in joy, I opened my mouth to catch the falling snow, I went around yelling “It’s snowing~~”, I took a million photos and danced around like an idiot……….but eventually, my enthusiasm and awe died down (about time!!)

And I realized that snow isn’t as pretty as I’d imagined it to be…

First, you can’t seem to see anything because it is so damn white. Nope, you can’t see steps, you can’t see slopes, you can’t see pedestrian crossings, you can’t see the hole in the ground….so walking down the street becomes an accident waiting to happen (or several, in my case). It’s a safe estimate to say I had a near-miss with every five steps I take.

Secondly, snow also happens to turn into slush and ice. Who would’ve known that the magical effects of snow fades when cars drive through it on roads turning it into a disgusting mess of slush? And that when we mere mortals try to cross the roads it becomes a challenge of literally walking on ice? So I’d say walking with my head held high may not be the best way after all.

And finally, when you wake up in the morning and go outside expecting everything to be pretty and white still….oh, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If it did not happen to snow overnight, then you end up surrounded by disgusting grey icy slush which isn’t quite snow, but you can’t quite see the ground either. It becomes a part snow, part ice, part mud, part black I-have-no-idea-what, part trash. So walking anywhere becomes an obstacle course in which you’d approach with caution and a frown of disgust.

the post office incident and my floor heating crisis

This morning, I finally got off my ass to go mail things back home. I have been meaning to do it for a while, but thinking and doing are two very different things. And in Jamie’s world, thinking often happens in very elaborate ways and ideas are easy; but the follow-through only happens ever so rarely.

Anyhow, by last night, I realized that it probably won’t even get back in time for Christmas so what was the point anyway? But then, I can’t really just have random gifts lying around at home either…so this morning, I finally went to the post office.

I make it sound like it is a horrible chore, but just so you know, the post office is really just 7 minutes away (and that includes waiting for 3 minutes for the lights to change…and by the way, I’m walking too).

Anyways, I placed all the gifts in a huge plastic bag with post-it notes of addresses and lugged it to the post office only to realize that the post office here do not sell boxes or packaging or anything of that sort.

So I had to drag that huge clumsy bag back home and find boxes.

Which, of course, I failed miserably (because why would I conveniently have ready-to-mail boxes at that little shit hole I’m living in?) and I was pressed for time as I didn’t want to be late for work…(I can be ‘late’ 3 times each month…and I think I might be pushing it a little ..just a little~)

I guess everybody will just have to get late gifts. But then again, that was probably expected of me…….it wouldn’t be me if things were done on time, would it? =p

Okay, so that was my little post office incident. (I still can’t get over it. Why do they not sell boxes, dammit!!!) Now, for my floor heating crisis..and Yes, it IS a crisis!

The other night when it was freezing.. to make things clear, every day and every night is freezing, but that night was insanely cold. Okay, so there were five people at my place and we were just watching movies. Five people in my tiny little apartment and it was still freezing. So I decide to put on my floor heating (yes, even stingey Jamie used her gas for the greater good lol).

Two hours later..

The floor was still cold like ice!!

I wasn’t sure if it was because the temperature was so low, or because it was the first time I’ve used it, or because it’s just downright broken…

But what I do know is…it is so damn cold and the temperature seems to be getting colder by the minute each day.

Oh dear…

Now you agree that it’s a crisis don’t you?

let's all get food babies~~ DINNER PARTY!!

On Tuesday, I spent my whole work day reading recipes and watching cooking shows on Youtube (what an awesome way to earn money). And then the little cook in me was kicking and screaming and fighting to get out! So off to Homeplus I went (my favourite place in Korea - a massive supermarket complex which is open till midnight!!!) and I bought a whole cart full of food to cure that itch.

Today, I spent my whole work day thinking of what to cook. And then I sent off massive texts to whoever and everyone that I knew. Wednesdays I get off work an hour earlier than usual so I went home and cooked up a storm. Whilst tidying my place up a bit (so that it looks somewhat presentable) I realized that I only had two chairs. Two glasses. Two mugs. And two spoons. Crap….I didnt even have enough plates or bowls so I had to cook and wash at the same time.

Anyhow, I think I got too excited with inviting people, so I toned it down a little and it came down to five people. On the menu was beef with brocolli; soy sauce chicken; garlic cabbage; eggs and tomatoes. There were little obstacles - I managed to drop my salt canister into the eggs so it was super salty and I tried to save it with a whole load of sugar and water and it miraculously turned out okay…but for the most part I was quite impressed with myself (even if I say so !)

Everybody seemed to like my food (or so they say) and they kept praising me so much that my head officially went two sizes larger. The best part was that every dish was cleaned out. Oh, I feel like such a grandmother, but I love it when people eat alot of my food. Especially when they finish everything!!

Maybe I should just get married and be a housewife so I can have a nicer kitchen and cook all day long!!

Realization

Realizaiton - coming to understand something which you did not before.
Awoken from my sleep, I tug my eye mask off and groan as I squinted at the time. It’s 3am..what is that sound?Trying to focus on what was coming from the floor below, I thought I heard munching noises. Confused, I sit up and peer down into the living room to the couch where she was sleeping. Except, she wasn’t sleeping. With the dim lights flickering from the muted TV, I could see her sitting cross-legged on the couch. Eating. Actually, no. The word eating was an inadequate description of what she was doing. It was beyond anything I had ever seen. It filled me with disgust and horror. One, two, three, four, five. Five family blocks of chocolate lay in her lap and around her. I watched her literally drink it down at an alarming speed. Not wanting to make a scene, I quickly laid back down on my bed and willed myself to sleep. However, my mind kept flashing back to her. It was just like those animes where the evil character finally gets ahold of something he always wanted and his eyes gleamed with evil delight. That was what she looked like. Out of control, almost possessed. It was a horrible, horrible image. But I could not erase it from my mind.

The next morning, I woke up and everything seemed fine. I went downstairs and she was already up, watching TV. We exchanged our good mornings and I subtly avoided the topic of food or eating. She was watching Plastic Beauty, a show about the pros of plastic surgery and how attractiveness makes you more appealing, seem more intelligent and just have a better life. Seeing it as a good chance to discuss some problems with her, I asked her what she thought of that show. I told her how its dangerous to be so obssessed over looks and weight, and that guys don’t even like skinny girls. She disagreed, saying that it’s difficult because media portrays it as you have to be beautiful and skinny. And guys like skinny girls with big boobs. And then she gets up to take a shower.

As she was in the shower, I played a little detective on my behalf. I felt bad for prying into her privacy. But I felt even worse when I found her stash of chocolate. All empty boxes. About a dozen or so. Feeling scared, I shove it back into her backpack. Why did she have to hide all the empty boxes?

Thoughts race through my mind. I never see her eat. She’s constantly in the bathroom. She’s been here for a week, and we’ve used four rolls of toilet paper already. I saw laxatives in the bathroom and she told me because she’s bloated and feels constipated. All she eats are crackers. Oh gosh. There’s one thought which I’m trying hard to ignore. Maybe she’s got an eating disorder. I hate the way the words form in my head, I hate the way they look. I can’t bear to think of my friend like that. Trying hard to push it from my mind, I knew there was something wrong. I’ve read enough books and studied 4 years about psychological illnesses to know that there was something really wrong with my friend. Now, the question is, what do I do?

my quest for size zero and thinking 36 negative things about my body each day

As I was surfing the net, I came across this article about how women beat themselves up over their body image. So being curious and bored (the best innovations come up at this time), I googled “size zero”. Surprise, surprise, there were millions of articles among the likes of “how to attain the perfect size zero”. Hmm…who’s to say size zero is the perfect size? I thought size zero was a newly made up size…so was every other woman imperfect and flawed up to that point? Well, anyways, I saw something that caught my eye…

"Women think, on average, 36 negative thoughts about their body images on a daily basis".

Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement there. And for a split second, I did feel bad about myself. Well, because I am generally happy with my body shape even though it is somewhat shapeless but I don’t think bad thoughts about myself often, AND I know and see many fabulous looking girls who wouldn’t have any bad thoughts to think about themselves….so, who thinks these 36 bad thoughts a day?? I certainly don’t. I feel scared thinking that women around me, or people I know are so deluded about how they look! Of course, I’ll have my fat days (which I have been having more of late…however, this shall be discussed later on). But I don’t beat myself up over how I look like. Sometimes, I think, I’d be much happier if my waist was smaller. But, do I despair and hide at home just because I think that? Certainly not. Rather, I forget it the moment I see fried chicken and beer. But reading article after article on how girls starve themselves; have realistic ideals; think they’re fat…..it just makes me somewhat angry but sympathetic all the same. I am angry because I feel it is so superficial and shallow. People have much more worries in life than what they weigh. And a friend once quoted, “It’s not called self-esteem for no reason….how can I help you make yourself feel better about yourself?? It’s your own fucking problem!” hahahaha….but it does hold some truth to it. It is about your mind, so it should work inside out - not making yourselves thinner so you could be happy…It doesn’t work that way!

However, I know it is difficult. As I said, I was having more FAT DAYS lately. Why? Well…because recently, there’s this girl who’s quite obsessed over how she looks and what her size is and what she eats ans that it’s rubbing off me. Because when I’m eating rice (which I honestly cannot live without), she’ll make a comment about how she doesn’t eat carbs cos they’re fattening and just empty calories. Or when I finish my dish and she tells me she’s full after two bites. Or the fact that she might have an eating disorder when she’s very slim and attractive looking and I’m eating like a real person but made to feel bad because I should be the one worrying about my waistline… it certainly doesn’t act as a pick-me-up nor a feel-good drug. And then I realized being with her has made me much more conscious and when I eat something I think about how many calories it has (when I never used to), or how I try to mentally recap how much food I ate in that day… I think I’m actually losing weight but still stressed out over how I’m fatter and not as weight conscious as that certain person. And I certainly don’t feel happy..instead I feel trapped in a horrible cycle!!

Then I came across this blog about a show called My Quest for Size Zero where girls of size 12 have to shrink down to a size 4 (US size 0) in the short time span of 8 weeks. Holy crap! But the show is trying to prove how size 0 people aren’t naturally thin and they starve themselves and don’t eat and obsess over calories, etc…so i guess it is a good alternative to all these “you’re ugly you need plastic surgery and you need to drop 10 kg or you won’t have any dates” kinda crap that’s always on tv. One of the participants talked about how she kept losing weight and her girl friends were envious, but she felt more and more insecure and stopped going out and got depressed! It all sounds crazy, but I don’t know how celebrities do it. They starve and go on crazy diets and then have to pretend like they’re normal and they were just born skinny! I feel so sorry for them.

Another article that actually made me laugh out loud was one where Posh Spice (or Skeletal Spice) says she can fit into jeans made for seven-year-olds. And then she goes on to say how she’s banned size zero models for her fashion brand because she doesn’t want girls to feel pressured to be skinny. She says that girls can be beautiful in any size and that’s what her brand is about - looking good no matter what size you are. Yes Posh, we girls hear you! You stay your super skinny self and tell people it’s okay to be fat. Wow….. dieting certainly causes brain damage too!! So much that full-grown women go about wearing their son’s pants and starve themselves while advocating others to be confident in their own skins……………

need I say more??

Looking forward to a Black Eye!

Finally, the horrendous week 13 is over. It’s an unlucky number already. Week 13 is the last week of the term and of course students are entitled to go slightly crazier than they usually are. All I heard was “Teacher~ pizza party!” “Teacher, we want Cola!” “Teacher!! More snacks!” …i shall not delve further into that subject matter~ for I’m just glad its all over….

Now its week one all over again, and it’s something new, with different text books and different students. I guess kids all put on their best behaviour when they’re not familiar with the teacher - so this is where I have to start off strong. I’m not going to be lenient on them or too nice, because kids will be kids and will definitely take advantage. Afterall, I’ve been there myself ^_-

It has been a hectic time and I have gotten lazy about posting…also because I feel like I havne’t done anything worth posting about!! Although, I must say, I’m getting pretty damn flexible from yoga and pretty damn proud of myself ..and a co-worker gave me her Gymball which she didn’t use, and I’ve been very disciplined and working out almost daily! I figured…since it’s summer back home, and everyone’s slimming down and hitting the beach…and I’ve been feeling cold and homesick =( SO…I shall also work for my bikini body (which will be covered under layers and layers of clothing„,but still!!) Just so i can feel slight summery here~ hahaha, silly, but i think it works for me. So, wish me luck guys! It’s weird how this is the MOST active i’ve probably ever been in my whole life….and I actually feel guilty just thinking of skipping yoga/work out …wow! back then, i’d persuade mei to skip gym and eat with me…hahahah!!! so i guess that’s a step forward, right?

For the past few days I have had no laptop/internet. Something happened, something terrible happened and I didn’t know what to do. Frantically, I called my understanding and loving boyfriend, and in a near-hysteric state, told him how my laptop died on me. In a very very calm voice stripped of any emotion whatsoever, he said “get it fixed” Three simple words, that’s it. No….but he didn’t get it! I don’t know how to fix it and that’s why I called him. ARghhh…..guys just never get it…. Or maybe we just live in totally different realms..and so I brought it in to work today and I felt just like how the owner of a sick puppy felt…and I asked my co-worker for help. He told me a whole bunch of words which didn’t really make much sense to me and maybe seeing my blank clueless face, he took my baby from my hands and pushed some buttons and typed some things. I peered over his shoulder with a worried yet hopeful look. And just like that….it worked again. 3 minutes of pushing this and typing that. And it worked again. And I was stressed out and worried for days!!! I was AMAZED…..wow. So, who ever said women don’t need men? Well, at least, I do. hahahaha And just like my boyfriend, in times of crises, women (or more specifically, me) need someone who is calm and collected and able to give directions. =D

Another thing that’s exciting~~ Vali’s coming to visit me tomorrow!!!!! I cannot wait! Also because she told me that she accidently got knocked over by some guy and so has a black eye…haha~ I shouldn’t think this, but it has made me want to see her even more !

beautiful white on black..

My message tone rings. I stop wrting the term reports and look up from my laptop to see that its already 2:30am. Who would message me at this time of night? I hope its not spam…Fumbling around in my bag, I find my phone and flip it open. Yo, Look outside. It was a very brief message from Tommy….what could it be? maybe there’s an accident??? But then, Tommy doesn’t live near my apartment…I wonder what it is…With one eyebrow raised and a question in mind, I get up and walk to my window and peer out. Didn’t really see anything and then…Oh gosh! maybe it’s snowing!!!! I frantically push back the blinds and swing my window open and held my breath in anticipation.

A blast of cold air hits me in the face. Wow…it’s freezing out here… And there it was. The tiny white flecks. Jumping left and right as if dodgeing some imaginary obstacles, on a race to the ground. It’s so beautiful…I stand there gazing out towards the sky, mesmerized by the serenity of the moment.

No wonder Summer told me that Autumn and Winter are the seasons of love….As I stand there with the window wide open, I momentarily forgot the cold. I forgot about the silly term reports that we have to write and send home to parents who couldn’t read English anyway. I forgot how far away from home I was. I forgot the distance between me and him. I forgot about everything….

And then I smiled.

For the past few days I have been feeling slight homesick and somewhat down. But looking at the white snow glittering against the black night, I felt okay again. I was fascinated, in awe of God’s work. How can all of this come from some coincidental clash or the so-called Big Bang Theory? Even the name annoys me..how can it be a theory if there was no observed phenomenon to explain in the first place? It’s more a proposal, or a hypothesis. Actually, not even, because it can’t be proven, so it’s not really a hypothesis either…..anyways, my thoughts are drifting. I think it’s time to sleep.

I close the window. But I couldn’t bear to walk away from such beauty and so I pushed open the window again.

One more look…


"God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ …So that all men he has made may know his work, he stops every man from his labor and fills them with awe." - Job 37:5-7

[李聖傑 - 靠近] 我就是那麼的想靠近你...

走在人擠人的走道　我問了自己

沒有愛情的人是否會長命
那些電影常常讓人感覺甜蜜
但是我　不相信


坐在沒有人的角落　我又問自己
究竟應該繼續還是該放棄
沒有人能了解我現在的心情
想看你　想躲你　難以決定


每當我想靠近　你總會裝冷靜
眼看你的表情　彷彿己經說明
我只想要證明　我們這段愛情
也許在你眼裡　它只是個遊戲


我只想要靠近　也很想要抱緊
回想到那過去　和現在新的你
我還想要參與　你的生活點滴
只要你肯相信　我一定會陪你走下去


坐在沒有人的角落　我又問自己
究竟應該繼續還是該放棄
沒有人能了解我現在的心情
想看你　想躲你　難以決定


每當我想靠近　你總會裝冷靜
眼看你的表情　彷彿己經說明
我只想要證明　我們這段愛情
也許在你眼裡　它只是個遊戲


我只想要靠近　也很想要抱緊
回想到那過去　和現在新的你
我還想要參與　你的生活點滴
只要你肯相信　我一定會陪你走下去


能不能夠讓我再說我愛你
還是你己不想聽　
能不能夠把你徹底的忘記
我是真的搞不清


每當我想靠近　你總會裝冷靜
眼看你的表情　彷彿己經說明
我只想要證明　我們這段愛情
也許在你眼裡　它只是個遊戲


我只想要靠近　也很想要抱緊
回想到那過去　和現在新的你
我還想要參與　你的生活點滴
只要你肯相信　我一定會陪你走下去

只要你再相信　我們會緊緊地　靠在一起

Koreans are crazy romantic people..

It didn’t take me long to realize this… but Koreans are ridiculously overly-expressive of love and romance. Sometimes it really does make me wince…and other times, I was nearly sucked in ..

Everywhere I go, I see couples wearing matching clothes. And by matching, I don’t just mean a couple’s tee….but more like the exact same shoes + jeans + shirt + hat. They end up looking like those baby twins (except they’re older and hold hands). And because guys here are scarily skinny and have curly hair, it’s quite a task figuring out who’s the guy.

I thought I had seen all that I could handle. The lovey-dovey kissing and hugging couple who is somehow always right in front of you on the subway. The guy standing on the street with a bunch of flowers behind his back and he embarrasingly stands, with his head hung low in an attempt to hide his face. The love motel signs flashing overhead in every direction you look. The kissing bears that couples hang on their phones and sings “I love you..muah muah” when you press the belly. The couple glasses. The couple tees. The couple shoes. The couple phones. The couple mugs. The couple everything……….

But wait. There’s more. As if one Valentine’s day wasn’t enough…Korean’s also celebrate pepero day. Which is Pocky. So it would be Pocky Day. Because Nov 11th lookes like ||||….pepero sticks. Lame? Well….you haven’t seen it lame yet. Walking into any store gave me a fright. I had no idea what was going on. Christmas? Valentines? Why so many wrapped up gifts and ribbons and chocolate moulds and hearts and pink and hearts and more pink and more hearts?

Then I was told by Thuy…it’s Pepero day! Girls make or buy pepero for their boyfriends…to express their love. Oh… I looked around and the store was swarmed with girls trying to decide whether to buy the pink set or the baby pink set? At that moment, I felt like the most unromantic girl ever. And I was glad I wasn’t Korean. I would definitely never get a boyfriend because the idea of making a pocky stick for a guy doesn’t excite me. Nor does the idea of hanging a monkey on my phone, which, did I mention, is bigger than my phone and says I love you … Sorry, but those things don’t give me a fuzzy feeling in the stomach. Maybe a quesy sickness. And my automatic response of raising one eyebrow whenever I go speechless………just like now. Which is why I’m running out of words…I have no idea how to explain it. You just have to come here yourself. It’s like Korean lovey dovey drama….except its real over here. Oh dear.

In Korea, it’s like everyone forever 15…Yay~ let’s spend hours on end making chocolate on sticks and wrapping up them up in expensive wrapping only to be eaten. Let’s wear matching everything….just in case other’s don’t know we’re dating….maybe the kissing and hugging and touching isn’t obvious enough…let’s hang out 24/7 because really, who needs friends? Yay….

Need I say more? Koreans are crazy romantic people…..

just another crazy tuesday

The alarm goes off at 10am…I send Audrey and Julie a very brief text “Yoga?” and then press the snooze button. At 10:15am, my phone sings “You’ve got mail” and I see Audrey replied “Yes.” Using up whatever willpower I could muster, I roll out of my bed and crawl down the steep stairs with sleepy eyes. The way I do it is, only open one eye at a time so I can rest my eyes alternately. Sounds crazy but it works. Anyways, I look at the clock, and then in the mirror. I guess there’s really nothing I can do to fix my appearance with only 10 minutes left so I brush my teeth, pull on my new 3000Won yoga pants and put my hair in a messy bun. Shit, its 10:30 already and I run out to the elevators. Brr….the morning air is cold and damp.

Around the corner I meet my also sleepy-just-rolled-out-of-bed yoga partner. The cold air feels somewhat refreshing and we walk to class, complaining of how tired and hungry we were. After a couple traffic lights, we arrive. Being too lazy to walk up 4 flights of stairs, we wait for the elevator. After all, we are going to do some exercise…..

Each lesson fills me with a mixture of anticipation, and also dread. I look forward to it, enjoy it, but also dread it. Why? Because the yoga instructor has made it explicitly clear that we are “waeguk” ..which means Foreigners. She calls us AU-De-Li and Jay-E-Mi and sometimes the more generic term “Engrish teacher”…at which point, every other person has turned around to look at us. And sometimes, she’ll say something which we won’t understand, but then everyone else laughs and looks at us. From her tone, she seems friendly. But sometimes it’s hard to tell….she could’ve said “stupid idiots, so not flexible at all” with a warm smile and a non-threatening laugh and I’ll laugh along just to be polite (and also to hide my embarrassment).

And of course, we have no idea what to do. I mean, if we’re sitting or standing, it’s not hard to copy the movements of the people around. However, if we’re lying on the mat staring at the ceiling…its a different story altogether. I think the most workout I get is my neck. I am constantly straining my neck to see what’s going on. And there’s no point in looking next to me, because Audrey is usually doing to same thing as me : straining her neck with a confused look on her face.

One thing however, that makes me really enjoy this class is not the fact that we get laughed at, or that the instructor comes over to pull our legs and tug our hands (like real-life playdo), or the fact that my neck might be getting stronger. Rather, it’s just the element of surprise within the class. We never really know what we’ll be doing each class. Sometimes, she makes us stick our tongues out and make funny noises. Sometimes, she makes us do sit ups and squats. Sometimes, it feels more like soccer training with lots of jumping.

But one thing’s for sure, this is definitely one hell of a yoga experience………..

Yes, I am still watching Sex and the City

On a quiet Sunday evening, I cooked myself a meal. This is the first time in a long while that I’ve cooked and I’m glad to say that I’ve still got it in me. After hearing a friend rave on about how good and cheap this wine was, I couldn’t resist the temptation and bought myself a bottle. Cheap it was and wonderful, even more so. Unwinding on my couch, sipping on red wine and enjoying my chicken and basil pasta, I decided to pick up on my SATC addiction. Okay, so now I’m up to Season 4…..should be over soon so you guys won’t have to put up with this for much longer.

I’m up to the part where Carrie decides to get back with her ex (after they broke up because she cheated on him with Big). Quick recap: Aiden agreed to giving it a second chance but then he starts treating Carrie like shit. I guess it was an attempt to get even. Carrie allows it because she feels bad about everything and is punishing herself.

It gets me thinking, Forgive and forget. Is that really possible?
To me, forgiving means no finger-pointing, no blaming, no resentment. It means to let go of what happened. But does forgiving include forgetting too? Forgiving is difficult, but to forget is even harder. To me, forgetting is a commitment, a promise to let go of the anger, hurt and pain and to never make negative references to the deed again. With Carrie and Aiden’s case, I’m not sure what happened to them (because I haven’t watched it yet!), but there are couples that can move past cheating and grow stronger together. But how many people can truly forgive and then forget?

To forgive takes a lot of effort and strong will - because blaming someone else is so much easier. To forget takes even more because it is a conscious decision to open up again and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to accept the fact that we could be hurt again. But the important question is, what good would that do to yourself and the other person to stand behind the hurdle and point fingers at each other rather than working out how to jump over? It would only result in the two of you being stuck in a constant state of anger and pain and hurt. But of course, it isn’t a matter of one. It involves two people dedicated to put in effort and it certainly takes a long and sometimes difficult road.I don’t know why I am writing about these things, but I guess I just have a lot of opinions. Sometimes, I think it would be great if life was like a TV show. All we need to do is fast-forward a couple episodes or even a whole season and we could find out what happens. But, hey, life is about trial and error. We wouldn’t know if we didn’t try…right? So I think maybe it’s time for me to stop worrying and analyzing and to give up my inferior attempts at predictions…..and just forgive and forget. Which means to allow another person to be human in faults, mistakes and wrongdoings and hand out the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal.

Because what happens will happen. Like the boring old saying..Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future and today’s a gift. That’s why its called the present….

And the bible says, don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will have it’s own worries.

I guess I should go to bed. It’s getting late and I think that’s enough babbling for tonight…won’t you agree?

the little pink bike

Every night, as I wait for the elevator on the ground floor, I see a little pink bicycle in the corner. It’s covered in dust and has been in the same spot forever (and it has no lock). I thought it was a bike without an owner. Night after night, I told myself, If this bicycle is still here tomorrow night, I’m gonna take it. I had wanted a bike for a while now and the cheapest I’ve seen is about a 100 bucks. It would be great to just take that one! It’s pink and it will do the job just fine.

A few nights went by and I couldn’t stop thinking about the little pink bicycle. I really like it now. Ok….if it’s there tomorrow night, I will take it!! So the next day I went to work and came back and there it was. Sitting there in the corner, looking dustier still. Not sure if anyone owned the bike and not wanting to steal…I decided to leave it.

A few more days passed by and it was still there every night! Sitting alone in the shadow, beckoning me to give it a home. Finally, one night, I could not resist anymore. I gave in to temptation after Tommy egged me on "C’mon! Just take it! It has no lock and it has been here forever! What the hell, I’ll even take it up for you!" Taking a deep breath, I said OKAY. So in the little pink bicycle went into the elevator up to 6th floor. With shifty eyes I looked around making sure there was no one and into my apartment it was wheeled.

Excited…I told everyone about the cutest thing I picked up. A few days later, notices went up all around my building. Of course, not literate in Korean, I paid it no attention. Until Sooheun was in the elevator with me and I asked him to translate out of curiosity. As he translated, my eyes grew bigger in horror. "There has been a theft of a kid’s bicycle and it has been caught on CCTV. Put it back before further actions are taken." SHIT! I had stolen a kid’s bicycle!!

I felt horrible. I felt like I had commited the lowest act ever. Some poor little kid (most likely a little girl) was crying her eyes out because someone without conscience, ME, had taken away something that belonged to her. It was hers. And I had taken it without her permission or knowledge. I had commited theft without even knowing it. I felt like a horrible person and I vow never to take things home unless its got “trash” labelled on it……if I had known, I would never have done it.

Then it hit me. Was it really my fault? There was nothing to let me know that there was an owner to the little pink bicycle. There was no lock, no name, no nothing. It didn’t even look like anyone rode it anymore. It was covered with dust and just dumped in the dark corner. So really, I was deceived, wasn’t I? But then why do I still feel so bad about my unknowing act of theft?

And it got me thinking….is there anything as innocent wrong? I guess life is never just black and white…there’s always some unknown part of it, no matter how obvious things seem to look on the outside…

In the end, the bike was returned to where I had found it…well, stolen it, for that matter.

Trash or Treasure?

Walking home one cold night, I spotted a huge brown shadow in the corner of my eye. Being the curious girl that I am, I turned my head to get a better view. Oh, it’s a sofa! I stopped in my tracks. After a quick inspection, I decided to take it home. Hey, Ric, Tommy, stop! Look what I found! Let’s carry it home! Of course, when I said let’s I really meant them. Well, I was a girl, right? These are certainly times when being a girl is advantageous. Excited, I watched them carry it and I gave a lame effort in trying to help (I actually made it worse because I tipped it slightly forward so that they ended up having to walk faster). Anyhow, as they heaved and complained, I gave the sofa a more thorough look. Wow, it’s real leather! The brown colour was a little bit yucky (it was the colour of cheap chocolate), but it’s not too bad. Hey, it’s free! It wasn’t the prettiest thing around, but hey, I needed a couch. I’ve been using my mattress as a bed/sofa and it’s not exactly great. I was about to fork out $150 to buy a new one too. So it was the perfect timing.

 And just last night, I picked up an old coffee table off the streets, too. I swear, the best part of Korea so far has been all this free stuff! Who would’ve thought. Carrying the coffee table home was a nuisance (because this time I didn’t have Tommy nor Ric!) Audrey was kind enough to lend me a helping hand. It’s okay! I can manage on my own! My stubborn self spoke. But I’m so thankful she helped me anyway because I would not have been able to cross the road carrying that on my own!

Slowly, I’m piecing together my apartment, trying my best to make it more homey without the investment. Afterall, I’m only going to be here for a year. Layering on a pretty black laced runner and lighting some candles (to cover the flawed spot on the coffee table), I sat back into my sofa. Ahh….this is nice…It’s funny, because I began to think how I’ve grown to like the yucky brown sofa. After putting on a rug throwover, it looked much nicer (and it is really really soft).

Something that someone regarded as trash has made it to my home and is now treasured by me. Oh, it must be fate! Sitting on my couch, I think about what kinds of things this couch has encountered. It probably has watched alot of TV, lived through couples fighting, maybe had kids climb up and down it, or even had a cat that slept on it. And now, here it is, with me in my little apartment. Maybe I could give it some quiet and peace that it needed. Or maybe, it’s the couch that’s keeping me company. I don’t know. I just like the idea that somebody’s junk has now become my gem.

And just like that, something that someone didn’t want is now loved by me…….

5 a.m.?

WOW. I am in shock. Awe. Wonder. Amazed…… I don’t even know what to think anymore. My world just changed. Sleep? Who needs sleep? It suddenly struck me, I finally understood what is truly meant by the city that never sleeps. For goodness’ sake, I’m LIVING in it! I am in a whole new world where people go shopping on a weekday in the wee hours … and it’s oh-so-normal. Like, “who doesn’t do that?” kinda normal… well, except me. I’ve never done that. I’ve never even heard of a mall that stays open past midnight….nor has it ever occured to me that I would want to go shopping in the same time frame as I would enter a club. It’s like, “hey, this club sucks…let’s go shop instead.”

And there I was, standing at the grand revolting doors of the shopping mall at 3 a.m. staring at the “Opening Hours” sign where it’s printed boldly, 10a.m - 5a.m. Yup, there I was looking like I had just discovered the cure for cancer. Not just one mall, BUT the WHOLE area was buzzing with music, people, food, and cars and a million more taxis… WOW.

Fueled purely by adrenaline, I went through level after level and mall after mall of balenciaga handbags, christian louboutins, gucci watches, guess jeans, cheap no-brand tee’s, fake LV bags, plastic heels…..it was a crazy mixture of the cheap, the branded, the expensive and the fakes…My legs were exhausted to the point of collapsing. Wearing high heels and shopping definitely don’t go hand-in-hand. Add on the fact that given any other night, I should be sound asleep by now. But my brain was working overtime and seriously overwhelmed by amazement…..the only thing I could think of was “I’m in Shopping Paradise” and that thought alone made me giddy and my legs went into autopilot and just kept going and going. I could not believe it. Till 5 a.m.?! Even the movie theatres were still running and the last movie showing that night was at 4:40a.m.

Coming from a place where everything seems to die by 5 p.m. this was one hell of a shock. Culture shock anyone?

FIFA U20 Ghana WINS!

Normally, I’m not much of a soccer fan…but it’s GHANA!!!! This is the country where I spent part of my childhood..part of my education.. I don’t have too much memories of it because I was young and it was a long time ago, but I remember the food, the fish markets and how we did not have McDonalds (this is why I still love maccas to this day) and how we had infomercials about Omo and Key soap! Being a kid in Ghana, we didn’t have many luxuries and that is what helped me see the bigger picture since I was young. Even though our family was not poor, being in such close proximity to rural areas and poverty and child labour made me realize how fortunate I was. I remember thinking what life would be like if I was the kid on the roadside selling oranges from a basket on my head, and not the nice dressed girl sitting inside an airconditioned car going to school. However, I always knew that there is so much more to life than living comfortably and having lots of money. It was also then that I understood the importance of education. I had a big dream when I was little. I wanted to help people, I wanted to change the world in whatever way I could. I mean, I still want to do that, and I guess being a teacher is impacting in a way, however small it may be. It probably sounds lame, but I firmly believe that to end poverty, every single child must must must have the opportunity to be educated and be loved. That’s the only way out. (Everytime I tell someone this, it somehow sounds like those beauty pageant answers….) I remember we had maids and drivers and gardeners, yet to this day, I am still very uncomfortable with the idea that some people are of a higher class. It makes me wince just to say it. I don’t exactly see the day where everyone will be equal, because there will always be status quo, there will always be the rich and the poor. However, sometimes, when it’s out of my hands, I give it to the Lord. This reminds me of last Sunday, the sermon talked about us being mustard seeds and that we are tiny and insignificant. But God is nurturing us with love and in time, we blossom into trees. So that made me think about all the issues going on in the world right now and how we, little mustard seeds, go around seemingly insignificant, but when the time comes, we will all have impacted someone in some way. Isn’t that just great?

Like a Rose

rucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
This is one of my favourite Christian songs. Tonight, I went to a small bible study group which Audrey and her co-workers had begun recently. There I met two other guys who were very knowledgeable in their faiths and I felt very encouraged. I don’t know, maybe it’s because back home, at my church, I didn’t really feel the same way. I’m not one to judge the spiritual health of anyone, but I’ve met my fair share of people who claim to be Christians and act like Christians but really weren’t. I’ve seen many talk the talk but not walk the walk. Which is why, I had many non-Christian friends, because I felt that sometimes, non-believers were better people (as much as it pains me to say). I mean, if you truly were a believer of Christ…wouldn’t you want to strive to be a better person? Yet, so many are so selfish, cold, unfriendly and critical. However, when I went to church here, I met so many wonderful people. They were cool, they enjoyed life, yet they were good people. They trusted in the Lord and they would go wherever the Lord took them.

Sometimes, I really think it was the whole Chinese church thing. Sometimes, it could be a traditional Chinese way of thinking, rather than a Biblical way… but of course, I pray often for my church back home. It’s interesting because every week I go to church, and I’m thinking of how great it is, and how we could run our church the same way and I think, maybe that’s what we could do to expand our church!

One thing I’ve noticed about the church I’ve been going to here is that their message is very focused on Jesus and how he saved us all. About Love. About Forgiveness. And about showing to the world who Jesus Christ is. And it’s not so much about rules or what you should not do or things that make you a bad Christian.

Maybe that’s what our church needed…a different focus. A focus on witnessing.

Speaking of witnessing….I actually went through the Gospel message with a friend for the first time. I’ve been teaching Sunday School for years but I never realized the extent of my knowledge and I was very very happy! I took a co-worker to church for the first time in his life and we talked about faith and Christ and I helped answer his questions and I was very excited that he was interested! So I want to say that my first real witnessing was a success!! I want people to know that I have Christ in my life and this makes me very happy and I want people to see that in me. I would always invite people to come to church with me, but I would never enforce it upon another person. I definitely do not want to be like those door knockers who won’t leave!!

At the bible study, we discussed a very interesting notion…the passage goes:

The Lord does not set us here first of all to preach, or to do any work for Him. The first thing for which He sets us here is to create hunger in others. No true work will ever begin without a sense of need being created. We cannot inject that into others; we cannot drive people to be hungry. That hunger is to be created, and that hunger can be created only through those who carry the impressions of God.

I very much agree! Very often, believers are pressured to grow before there is the forementioned need, before there is true spiritual hunger. And, sad to say, when there is real hunger, very little spiritual food is offered. Sometimes, I think that the truth is forced upon others to be saved before he is even aware that he is lost! If the lost never reaches out with personal faith, he will never come to meet the Lord our saviour.

And of course, it isn’t to say that being a faithful believer would make your life perfect. No, because without a bitter experience of our own inadequacy and sinfulness, we would be very unfit to witness to others. It takes a man who has discovered something of the measures of his own weakness to be patient with others. The Lord Jesus does not give the command, “Be a shepherd to My lambs…to My sheep” on hearing Peter’s self-confident affirmation of undying loyalty, but He gives it after he has utterly failed to keep his vows and has wept bitterly. After Peter publicly announces his loyalty, he denies Jesus three times before the rooster crows and then he weeps and confesses his love to Jesus (Jesus asks three times..always something that I found interesting), and then, that what when Jesus gave him the command…….Therefore, one who has firsthand knowledge of the loving care of the Lord will not easily despair of others, but look beyond sinfulness, willfulness and stupidity to the might of unchanging love.

A quote from the bible study that I absolutely loved:

"Here is a very difficult road, but the passionate desire for the goal will hold him steadfast in the way. Along that road the Man Jesus Christ has already gone before, and at every point has overcome for us. We have not climbed up; we are to be brought through in the train of His triumph."

Club Cucumber and Feisty Grandma and the Underground Maze

Friday night, we headed to the local bar for our usual after-work beer. We never plan it, but I guess everyone’s got “I Need A Drink” printed on their forehead. Well, who doesn’t? After five days of “Teacher! Teacher! Teacher!”, even the most patient, child-loving person would want to pluck any 10 year old from their ADHD infested classrooms and gladly strangle them. I love my kids, but 5 days is just too much. Sometimes it makes me think that I’ll be an awful parent. Surely I can’t just see my own children once a week, right? So I often tell myself that if I vent all my hatred out now, all that I’ll have left for my own kids would be love. Ha! (ok, don’t judge me now)

Anyways, back to Friday night…..

After a few drinks we headed out to a club in SongNokSu called Club Cucumber. Yep, you read it right the first time. Apparently, weird club names are very common…Right next to Club Cucumber was Club Pumpkin and I’ve come across Club Shampoo and Superdome and Club Banana (just to name a few….) On Friday nights they have a special event called the Sexy Dance Competition where people can go on stage and pull some moves and maybe win 300 dollars. It started really fun, the DJ was good and he was quite sexy. Until he started stripping…ok, so it seems that DJs in Korea are also part dancers, comedians, MCs, AND strippers? And they have their own fan group hovering around the stage and shrieking as the shirt comes off……hm… and then the weirdest part comes. The sexy dance is obviously rigged, as one girl gets completely naked. Yup. butt naked. Talking about butt…..her butt was darker than the rest of her body. Ew~ And she was the most un-graceful stripper ever…she had a hand propped on the wall as she hopped around on one leg yanking her jeans off. So after a quick strip-off, and a bit of butt wriggling, she disappears off into the back and was never seen again that night. The host announces that she wins and it was back to dancing for us.

After a long night of dancing, with sore feet we hailed a taxi and went home. But of course, with AJ, a stop at maccas was inevitable. So at 5 am, we had our orange juices and bacon egg mcmuffins. Sadly, the bacon here tastes awful….so chewy and hard, sometimes I think it’s actually beef jerky instead. 

The next day around 12 noon, Ethan wakes me up with a phone call “Are you still sleeping?” “Yes…” “Ok, go back to sleep then.” And he hangs up. Great. Now I’m awake. I wonder why people do that? They call you and wake you up and then don’t tell you the reason why they called and hang up and expect you to go back to sleep. As I was drifting off, my phone goes off again. It’s a message from Audrey asking me to go Dream Coffee. It’s bright and the sun’s pouring into my apartment. What the heck. I need a coffee. So I rolled out of bed (literally, because I’m only sleeping on a mattress on the floor at the moment….since I haven’t got a sofa yet, this is my make-do sofa bed), brushed my teeth, threw on a cap and some jeans and down I went. I loved Dream Coffee. First off, it’s in my building so it’s so close. Second, they serve a fantastic array of coffee - ranging from Jamaican to South African to the plain ol’Americano. And they have oversized gree velvety plush chairs. And they play jazz. AND the lady is super nice. Anyways, at Dream Coffee I met Audrey and her friend Megan. Interestingly enough, I remember Megan from a brief encounter at Homeplus (the nearby supermarket). I remember this girl saying she loved chocolate coated biscuits and that she’s addicted to them and I remember thinking in my head ”how could she be so skinny still?” Sometimes, I think the world really is a small place. Yet, there’s so much to do and see and so, I think I am really really really small.

The girls were meeting up a friend in Seoul and Grace was to take me shopping so we said our goodbyes and part our ways. I met up with Grace and we walked to the Jung An train station. It was quite a ride. I mean, it did take a good part of the hour but we were listening to her iPod and the music was like a re-run of last night’s clubbing experience. As we neared our destination…I encountered something that is definitely a first for me. I saw a bitch fight. Not just any ordinary bitch fight. But a grandma vs. ajuma fight…..

There was an ajuma standing in front of where I was sitting on the train. She was probably in her 40s and was holding shopping bags. Next to her was two old grandma ladies. As Grace and I got up to leave, and the ajuma was about to sit, the two grandma’s stepped in and sat down AND hogged the other free seat and motioned for their friend to sit. An old man comes to sit and he smiles and apologizes to the ajuma and the ajuma mumbled something along the lines of them being rude (translated by Grace). And so Grandma 1 (the one who stole the seat AND hogged the other seat) got up and yanked at the ajuma’s arm loudly saying “oh i’m so sorry, you sit then.” So there was a bit of pushing and pulling and a whole lot of arguing when the ajuma pushed the grandma really hard into the seat. Then the unexpected happens. The Grandma gets up and swings a blow at the ajuma. Taken back, the ajuma flings her shopping bags and handbags at the grandma and there is a bit of hair pulling and handbags flying. Alas, the train stopped so we quickly hopped off. I couldn’t believe it. I hope nobody got hurt. I’ve never seen such feisty women before, let along a Grandma!! And I had thought MY grandma was a scary lady…. not anymore….not in Korea, in the least. It just strikes me because there is so much cultural norms about being respectful and this happens? So weird…….

But I didn’t think about that for too long. Well, I didn’t have much time to. I was too busy taking in everything, there was soooo much to see. I was in the Gangnam Terminal Underground Shopping Centre. It was a whole shopping district underground! It was huge and there was shop upon shop of shoes, jewellery, skirts, jackets, jeans, tops, more shoes and more jewellery. I was in shopping paradise. Not only was everything cheap, but there was so much stuff and….there was so much stuff! We got lost a couple of times, it’s definitely a maze down there. But I must say, it was one of the best shopping places ever!! I love to touch and feel and look at every little thing and this is the place to find everything you need. They even sell plants and art pieces down to silverware and toilet paper! I loved it!!!

Funny thing was, Audrey and her friend ended up at the same place too. But since it was so big, we wouldn’t have seen each other! See what I mean about the world being small? Yet incredibly huge at the same time…. contradictory I know, but that’s just what I feel.

The Good, the Bad, and the Creepy

 OCT 8th

1PM - My phone is ringing and the caller id is from a co-worker/friend. I pick up and she starts singing Happy Birthday to me. haha, it was so sweet! After receiving a a dozen bday msgs and even more on facebook and now a song, I’m in a pretty good mood and I set off to get ready for work.

3:30PM - I get to school and start preparing for my lessons. My neighbor (the teacher from the next classroom) walks in and does a revised version of the Happy Birthday Song WITH a sexy dance too. I couldn’t be in a better mood.

3:50PM - We’re called into the common room for a quick meeting. Our HI tells us that its not going to be a sweet one and apologizes to break it out on my bday. Oh well, I thought, this school’s so bullshit I didn’t think it could get any worse. It turned out that they had even more tucked away under their sleeves. He tells us that we’re not to sit down. We’re NOT ALLOWED, BANNED to sit. For 6 hours, we’re required to stand? Yes, he says. What’s the rationale behind that? There’s no rationale, I don’t need to explain to you guys.
Basically, our HI won’t defend us, won’t give us any rationale behind this nonsense and the bottom line is, he gets shit from the top and just piles it on us. Head Instructor? He’s just a messenger really, he likes to kiss arses. Thats fine with me. If they want to play cheap, ok.

4:15PM - I’m not amused at all. I walk into class and yell at all the students “Move to the front.” “Teacher, but Irene’s sitting next to me and I’m waiting for her.” “No! Move next to Kelly NOW. I will NOT repeat myself. Move…NOW!”

5:15PM - During the break time, some kids find out from others that it was my birthday so I ended up receiving alot of chocolate, candy, juices (pretty much whatever snacks they had brought to school). Cute~ and sweet. And I ate the chocolate brownie cheesecake that my other neighbor made for me. Sweeet~ I’m starting to feel a little bit better.

8:15PM - Break time again. Yes, two more tedious hours. Mandy drags me to her office for a surprise something. I walk in and OMG there was a bouquet of red roses. Immediately I knew it was from Ric. AWWW….I melted.

They were the velvety kind that still smelt really nice. 37 roses in total. weird number? but who cares, I got roses and thats all that mattered. =D felt like the luckiest girl in the world (or in the school at least!) too bad i didn’t have my camera on me, just a crappy old phone camera …

8:20PM - The bell rings and I skip back to class still on cloud 9… the rest of the lesson was a blur of happiness and day-dreaming. 8 more days…

10:30PM - We all head over to WARA WARA for a late dinner/bday get-together. More surprises - more presents and a Baskin&Robbins ice-cream cake. !!!! I got a bottle of wine, candles, a book, and an art book. Also, got a tea set from my korean sister (we have the same round face, same size hands, in fact, same looking hands, and we’re the same height too! haha)

11:45PM - We’ve happily finished our meal and eaten our icecream and now am taking photographs to document my wonderful evening. Suddenly, a hand grabs my shoulder and yanks me back. I turn in surprise and there is this drunken old man in my face. Is he going to kiss me? The thought flashed in my head. Shocked, my friend stands up and tells him to back off. He sits back down but continues staring at me. I can feel his eyes burning a hole through me. He looked very creepy, and looked extremely depressed, almost suicidal.

12:10AM - The drunken man finally leaves after the restaurant staff spoke with him for a good 15 minutes. As he was leaving, he tried to grab me again. Lucky my co-worker glared at him and told him off before he could do anything. Then he touches my shoulder lightly and winks at me. Definitely gave me goosebumps and sent chills down my back. Very creepy.

What an eventful day! Who would’ve thought so much could happen in 24 hours. I was estactic, utterly annoyed, back to happy and then completely freaked out…. I feel like I’m in a drama show, like Sex and the City….all I need is a pair of Jimmy Choos~~ ha! (as you can tell, I’m hooked onto SATC…)

Sex and the City and the Locksmith

Finally, I got cable TV and internet..unlimited too (never had that privelege back home) so I downloaded things to watch. Sex and the City Season 1..and now I’m hooked. And it’s so weird how its so long ago, yet still so relevant…..

Coming here to Korea, I’ve met many new people. And when I meet someone, I subconsciously categorize him/her. I don’t mean to be judgemental, but from coming from a psychological point of view, its inevitable. We all do it.

I met this one guy with a sly grin and eyes that smiled. The kind of guy that I wouldn’t want to trust. Well he introduces himself and automatically starts selling himself like a product. He’s got an strong odour of desperation hanging around him. He asks for my number, in a sly way where I couldn’t really say no. And then exactly three days later he calls me. Isn’t if funny when guys play by the rules…I didn’t know the three day rule applies here in Korea also. He says he likes my personality and enjoys talking to me. Again that’s funny because we didn’t really talk much. He did most of the talking (or selling, I should say). So how the hell did he manage to gather my personality in that short 15 mins when all I did was nod and un-huh at the right time?

And watching SATC, there was this one character that was so similar. Charming, sweet, rich and single. Carrie ends up sleeping with him and…uh-oh, big mistake. He leaves her before she wakes up with money on the table. Prostitution anyone? And then she says that she saw the red-flags waving but she ignored them and went without her head. Ha.

But then again, if we could all categorize people accurately, then why are so many mistakes being made? Isn’t the human brain so fascinating? We are the most intelligent species, yet sometimes, the dumbest too.

Talking about being dumb..did I mention that I had locked myself out of the house the other day? So I had to get a locksmith. The annoying part was that when I moved in, my school told me that they had extra copies and would give me a set. Did they? No. And when I called for help, they gave me keys yes, but wrong ones. It didn’t fit and then they said, oh, the guy who lived here before you changed the lock. So its not within our scope. Stressed out because I was going to be late for work, I asked someone from work what I could do…call a locksmith? whats the number? do they speak english? what do i do? All she said, You are going to be late for work. How late? What cut the most was that I knew her personally and so thought, ok, as a staff, but as a friend, couldn’t you be a bit more sympathetic? I was lucky enough to have a co-worker who lives in my building kind enough to sacrifice her time to help me out.

Every Sunday, the Church tells us to spread the love. But where’s the love? And how wrong I was to think that being such a devoted Christian, she would be nicer ….ah~~ I guess it goes back to my inaccuracy of categorizing people! Maybe I should re-evaluate my system and update it……lol but hey, isn’t that what life is all about? Learning through trial and error? ^^

Friday...blah

Today, I had my first Korean lesson with my teacher, Juri. She volunteered to teach me (unpaid) and I was surprised at how serious she was!! She had a textbook and vocabulary book and she told me that I’ll be tested each week so I’ll have to do homework! But I’m really glad because I feel like I will be learning quite a bit! So far, I’ve only managed to learn half the korean alphabet hehe, but I will be there soon~~ ㅋㅋㅋ
I’ve also found a bible study group~ and an ALL ENGLISH SERVICE wow!! went last week, and I like it very much. It’s short and sweet~ and there are many nice ppl that i’ve met! (except for one creeper) hahah~~ better not say too much =X maybe he might stumble across my blog and think…..hey, that sounds like me! haha! but all in all, i like that church, its called Dong-Sang church (so u can look up the website if ur really that bored!)

Today’s friday and I very much want to go out clubbing or drinking…or just anything that is considered social. Hehe…the other night, I went out to a University festival and saw a performance by Dynamic Duo, a popular Korean hip hop group, they were pretty cool! And then also tried chinese wine & went karaoke…and had chicken n beer…..but i still feel like i need to do something fun tonight because its friday!!

BUT…

I’ve got a church thing tomorrow morning at 10:30am..So if I head out to Seoul tonight…I don’t think I could make it back by the last train..and I definitely do not want to come back in the morning!

ahh…… what to do? Alcohol or Church? HAHAHA! such a horrible question to even ask!

plain and simple is best...or is it really?

Personally, I love magharita pizzas..good cheese and tomato is the best combination ever. My love affair with pizzas started with a Magharita. I remember being in Ghana, when they didn’t have much foods (not even McDonalds’), and when a pizza place opened up, it was like heaven for us. Even though it was just cheese and tomato, I felt like that was all I ever wanted. But when was the last time I had a magharita pizza? Not because I’m weight conscious or healthy..no.

Each time I walk into a pizza place, I’m bombarded with a million choices. Mega BBQ Chicken, Fantastic Meat Lovers, Super Supreme, Sensational Seafood…not to mention Bulgogi Pizza now that I’m here..woah..with such fancy names, who would even look at the boring old magharita?

Apart from getting distracted by fancy names, I also get side-tracked by the prices. Hey, I’d like to get my money’s worth! I always look at which one is the best valued…I mean, if I can get seafood for only 3 dollars extra…why not?

Somehow, it dawned on me that I do the same in almost every aspect of my life. I started off with a choice..I knew what I had wanted. Yet along the way, I got distracted and ended up going for something else. When I am faced with so many choices, so many options..I am clouded by things that are “new and improved”, or things that are popular or in demand.

And all the while, I’ve forgotten that what I had wanted was a simple cheese and tomato pizza.

It’s the same case when it comes to men. I never wanted much. Just somebody who liked me and I liked him. Simple, right? Yet somehow, along they way, I lost track of that. I see what other people have, and I want that. I watch a movie and I want more romantic things. I hear about problems and I get scared. I begin wanting more time. I get annoyed if he doesn’t call. I get upset if he hangs out with his friends. I became needy. What happened to the free-spirited girl I used to be?

Somehow, I forgot how a simple cheese and tomato pizza was so satisifying and so delicious and that was all I had wanted. I forgot.

Have you ever been on a train for 40 minutes only to realize you're still in the same stop?

How hard is it to catch the subway? Apparently its much harder than we ever dreamt of.

Had a great start to the “early” weekend, ie. Friday, with a shopping trip to Myeong Dong at 9 am (its one hour away!)..we get there by 10ish and start our long-deprived shopping spree……i must say, it’s definitely one of the best shopping places around in Seoul.

When it was time to go home (because we had to work dammit!), me n a co-worker hopped onto the subway heading towards Oido. I swear we got on the right train, going the right direction. We didn’t have to transfer or anything, so we in the train we sat, chatting away…(like women do).

Then, Kandre gives out a little squel and when I look up, WHAT? WTF?? We were in Myeong Dong…..AGAIN? But… but we had been sitting on the train for the last 40 minutes. And I swear it was moving. (And I swear I’m not on drugs!) Only this time, the train was going in the wrong direction. (And Line 4 is definitely NOT a circle…..)

So we quickly run off and stare, confused and a bit disoriented, at the map. Okay….so what happened? Why are we still in the same station after 40-friggin-minutes?

Anyways, we had to catch a taxi and made it just in the nick of time. I had to run home to change into work clothes and wore sneakers just so I could run (literally) to work (and then change back into heels hehe~)

What a start to a weekend!! I mean, it was a bit of a bummer experience, but hey, at least we did our shopping…..and had lunch at Craze-Burgers (yumm!!) and today, for the first time, I really appreciate the ways taxi drivers drive like there is no tomorrow.

My Answer to your Annoying Question..WHY?

Dropping everything and going to a foreign country may have been the best thing I have done. If it wasn’t for all the annoying questions people fire at me. “Why?” It drives me nuts. Three simple letters, yet it could possibly be the most difficult question in life. “Why?”

Maybe because I don’t know why. Or maybe because I’m running away from reality. Or maybe I went temporarily insane and jumped on a plane fueled by adrenaline. Or maybe I’m just not content with a “real-world” job and settling down and get neck-high in debt with a mortgage….

So to tell you all, Why did I come to Korea of all places? I guess it was just fate. Luck, accidental, God’s will…however you wish to put it. I didn’t intentionally choose Korea. All that mattered was, I wanted to be somewhere. Away from what the world that I knew. I wanted to see new things. Try different things. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone. I wanted to live my life in a whole new way. And I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing here.

However, there are many people who don’t seem to understand. They tell me, ”You’re just wasting your time. You’re going to come back a year later and be a year behind everyone. You’re going to have to start from scratch again.”

Maybe they’re right. But what if that’s not what I’m after in life? I muse to myself, why would I want to get a house, get a boring 9-5 job now, when I have the rest of my life to be doing exactly just that? Hey, if I achieve everything that society deems “successful” all before I’m 30….what the hell am I supposed to do with the remainder of my life? I guess I’d be good to die by 31?! I’m truly enjoying myself right now, and I don’t see the need to burden myself with mortgages and a fat bum from sitting too much. I’m old enough to be independent, yet I’m still young enough to not have to deal with committments and responsibilities.

So why am I here? I guess I’m just enjoying my life (the way we should!)

Why me? ... Why not you?

Yesterday, went out to Kyobo, maybe the largest book store in Seoul. I was quite impressed with it…but in no way did it compare to the one in Taiwan…their English section was not bad, but not as good as I would’ve liked! However, even so, I spent quite a while in there..if it was any bigger, I would’ve gladly made myself a campsite right there.

Read 1/2 of a book there, titled How to Love. I know, sounds cheesy, but hey, it brought up some very interesting notions. It’s by a psychiatrist, or I guess, a marriage therapist. It wasn’t exactly on dating problems as such nor did it say things like “If he doesn’t call you, he doesn’t love you” in it. What I found very intriguing was that it all seems so plain and obvious, yet we somehow all miss it.

It made me think why we humans are so self-absorbed and so self-awarding..why is it that when good things happen (whether it was our efforts or pure luck), we are quick to attribute that to ourselves. And when bad things happen…we try to blame everyone but ourselves and wade around in self-pity crying “Why me?” Well…it may sound brutal, but why not you?

If good things happen by chance, then inevitably bad things will happen too. So why do we have this expectation that we should get the good things, and someone else should get the bad? I think it’s the same for relationships/marriages. Throughout the course of life, I think everyone’s probably seen more failed or failing or unsuccessful marriages than loving, respecting ones…so why do we think it should be that we will be the ones with a fairytale ending?

It can be fair to say that no-one expects their spouse to look the way they did in their wedding photos 10 years later. Then why do we expect the rest to not change? People change; our surroundings, life-events and so on all contribute to shaping who we are. Our core personality stays stable but things do change. We change ourselves, but yet we cry “You were never like this before”.  Well, sadly but true, you never used to look this this before either. So can you be blamed?

I think the root of failure, is that, unrealistic expectations. I don’t mean to say that we should not expect happy endings. What I mean is, the expectation of a fairytale blinds us, and even though the other person is blatantly wrong for us, we are so caught up in chasing our dreams that we forget the present. We forget to see. Somehow, we think love can change a person for the better. Maybe. But wouldn’t it be better if we started out with someone who was actually right for us, than trying to change someone who wasn’t? Nobody’s perfect, that we all know. But I don’t think we should have the mindset to change someone. Rather, I would prefer to grow together.

As I was reading that book, a phrase stuck with me.

It said “Don’t blame the mirror for your reflection”.

Adventures of a Late-Night Dinner

Last night after work, a fellow co-worker and I was going to grab a quick bite. What a night it turned out to be. All the other instructors were in a meeting, so it was just us two and so we called the 3rd floor instructors. Didn’t pick up. So we wandered around the place and thought, heck..we should really try some place else, rather than always going to the same kimbab place around the corner! So we walked and tried calling again, and oh my, the barbeque smelt so good it lured us in. Tommy says, we should really wait for the others to call us back because we both don’t know Korean and we won’t be able to order. I reply, Hey, it’s a barbeque, we can’t go wrong!

Or so I thought……

So we sit down and order some beef….and the ajuma starts speaking korean, and we think she said they don’t have beef and she kept saying ”pork chops, pork chops”….ok, pork sounds good too, we were hungry. The ajuma brings us a bottle of soju and we relax in our chairs, waiting for our dinner….mmm…..

Next thing we know, she brings out our barbeque pan and that thing looks like a sausage? We figured it was intestines…..ok…what happened to our pork chops?! Then Ethan calls us back and he joins us at the table. Sitting down, he starts laughing at us, because ajuma wasn’t saying “pork chops”, she was saying “gob chan” which means, pig intestines. Ok, I thought, I’ll give it a try, it can’t be that bad!

I pick up a piece, and put it into my mouth…..doesn’t have too much taste to it, just a bit salty…then something squished out of the inside and all I could taste was pig. It takes a about a minute to chew that tiny piece, and it was making me hungrier by the second….So there, I had a piece. It wasn’t to the point of repulsion, but I don’t think I’ll try it again. Tommy didn’t like it one bit…ok, bill please! We look at it…13 bucks, that’s alrite~ but wait…..there were TWO SERVES….so it was 26 bucks total! For something we didn’t eat?? But at least I took away the bottle of soju…hey, we paid for that shit.

Ethan tells us that he’s been roaming the streets trying to find a place that’s actually still open….outback was closed, kalbi place was closed, even pizza place was closed. How many instructors does it take to find dinner on a Monday night at 10 pm??

After a whole lot of walking and roaming, we decide to stick with the usual. Why be adventurous? Why try find new places (they aren’t even open!!)….good old kimbab around the corner. In we go, we sit down and order our food and think, finally….we can have a decent meal in our stomachs!! Then……….

Oh, what now?!

The man who took our orders looked drunk. His face was all red and he starts giving us shit! He says we’re causing him inconvenience by ordering 3 separate dishes…hell, he was drunk. So Ethan (our Korean instructor) has a bit of an argument with him……………………………….and then we get up to leave.

Oh….dinner. How hard can that be??

Finally, finally…..after all that locomotion, we still ended up at some other kimbab place. What’s the saying about sticking with what you know??

Ahh…the adventures of a late-night dinner…..

Nakedness

On saturday night, after a few soju cocktails, beers, tequila, singing and dancing…I went to a jimjilbang with a friend…for those of you who don’t know what that is…it’s a public bath house/sauna. Very very popular in Korea and you can pretty much find them everywhere. From a foreigner’s perspective, it was quite a daunting experience as it’s extremely rare to find someone who speaks English, so it’s easy to feel abit lost…but at the same time, it was also extremely liberating!

The ajuma at the counter gives us some uniform in an ugly off-brown colour, and off we go. In the locker-room, we see girls/women wearing the uniform with towels wrapped around their heads, and then a couple naked ones walking around like its oh-so-normal (which it is in korea).

Looking at the towel given to us, I wonder what it’s for. It’s too small to wrap around your body, and it definitely doesn’t cover anything. So we decided maybe it was for a fire-run?

Anyways, as there were no English signs whatsoever, we stumble our way into the maze. We randomly opened doors and entered rooms….and most of them had women snoring as they slept on bamboo mats. So, we finally find the sauna room, and we go in. It is infernally hot and it looks like a cave/dungeon. There are bamboo mats and wooden things that are supposedly pillows (and they hurt my head). After a good 10 minutes, we decided to move on. My face was red and my hair was matt from the humidity and heat.

Next, we found the hot baths. Ahh…its empty. Which means its less awkward. There are many plastic stools where you can sit and take a shower/scrub. I’m not used to taking a shower sitting down, so I stand up instead. Then into the hot bath we go. It’s definitely not called hot for nothing. But it feels so good. The increased circulation is meant to increase your metabolism which helps you lose weight. There was even a scale so you could weigh yourself before and after (or as often as you wished…).

I can`t help but notice all the strange body types walking around (even though it was fairly empty…). Some women have saggy breasts or flat butts. Some are really rotund, bony or rectangular. Some people have wayyyy too much hair in places where the sun don’t shine. But I certainly do admire the bravery of these women. And then again, there is no time to be shy at the sauna. Koreans have been bathing in public for ages and being naked together…who cares? I totally agree….who cares what your body looks like. We’re all women and that’s all that matters.

After a few moments of pure relaxation…a naked ajuma walk in and starts cleaning….naked. How interesting a job to have…you get to work naked. Oh the liberation! And then whilst my friend and I were still sitting in the bath, naked ajuma cleaner unplugs it. I suppose its a sign that we should leave?

So we shower and towel off and get dressed and left. What an interesting experience. I definitely wouldn’t mind going again! Its a great place to unwind, condition your hair, and gossip..I meant bond with your fellow friends =)