The aftermath of Snow

This year was my first white Christmas!! All is beautiful when it snows; white, fluffy, gentle and calm… even the crazy taxi drivers slow down (not necessarily to enjoy the scenery, but more so out of fear of slipping) and people walk around at a slower pace (who would’ve thought asians could actually walk slow?). The first few times it snowed, I think I went somewhat insane. I jumped around in joy, I opened my mouth to catch the falling snow, I went around yelling “It’s snowing~~”, I took a million photos and danced around like an idiot……….but eventually, my enthusiasm and awe died down (about time!!)

And I realized that snow isn’t as pretty as I’d imagined it to be…

First, you can’t seem to see anything because it is so damn white. Nope, you can’t see steps, you can’t see slopes, you can’t see pedestrian crossings, you can’t see the hole in the ground….so walking down the street becomes an accident waiting to happen (or several, in my case). It’s a safe estimate to say I had a near-miss with every five steps I take.

Secondly, snow also happens to turn into slush and ice. Who would’ve known that the magical effects of snow fades when cars drive through it on roads turning it into a disgusting mess of slush? And that when we mere mortals try to cross the roads it becomes a challenge of literally walking on ice? So I’d say walking with my head held high may not be the best way after all.

And finally, when you wake up in the morning and go outside expecting everything to be pretty and white still….oh, that couldn’t be further from the truth. If it did not happen to snow overnight, then you end up surrounded by disgusting grey icy slush which isn’t quite snow, but you can’t quite see the ground either. It becomes a part snow, part ice, part mud, part black I-have-no-idea-what, part trash. So walking anywhere becomes an obstacle course in which you’d approach with caution and a frown of disgust.

the post office incident and my floor heating crisis

This morning, I finally got off my ass to go mail things back home. I have been meaning to do it for a while, but thinking and doing are two very different things. And in Jamie’s world, thinking often happens in very elaborate ways and ideas are easy; but the follow-through only happens ever so rarely.

Anyhow, by last night, I realized that it probably won’t even get back in time for Christmas so what was the point anyway? But then, I can’t really just have random gifts lying around at home either…so this morning, I finally went to the post office.

I make it sound like it is a horrible chore, but just so you know, the post office is really just 7 minutes away (and that includes waiting for 3 minutes for the lights to change…and by the way, I’m walking too).

Anyways, I placed all the gifts in a huge plastic bag with post-it notes of addresses and lugged it to the post office only to realize that the post office here do not sell boxes or packaging or anything of that sort.

So I had to drag that huge clumsy bag back home and find boxes.

Which, of course, I failed miserably (because why would I conveniently have ready-to-mail boxes at that little shit hole I’m living in?) and I was pressed for time as I didn’t want to be late for work…(I can be ‘late’ 3 times each month…and I think I might be pushing it a little ..just a little~)

I guess everybody will just have to get late gifts. But then again, that was probably expected of me…….it wouldn’t be me if things were done on time, would it? =p

Okay, so that was my little post office incident. (I still can’t get over it. Why do they not sell boxes, dammit!!!) Now, for my floor heating crisis..and Yes, it IS a crisis!

The other night when it was freezing.. to make things clear, every day and every night is freezing, but that night was insanely cold. Okay, so there were five people at my place and we were just watching movies. Five people in my tiny little apartment and it was still freezing. So I decide to put on my floor heating (yes, even stingey Jamie used her gas for the greater good lol).

Two hours later..

The floor was still cold like ice!!

I wasn’t sure if it was because the temperature was so low, or because it was the first time I’ve used it, or because it’s just downright broken…

But what I do know is…it is so damn cold and the temperature seems to be getting colder by the minute each day.

Oh dear…

Now you agree that it’s a crisis don’t you?

let's all get food babies~~ DINNER PARTY!!

On Tuesday, I spent my whole work day reading recipes and watching cooking shows on Youtube (what an awesome way to earn money). And then the little cook in me was kicking and screaming and fighting to get out! So off to Homeplus I went (my favourite place in Korea - a massive supermarket complex which is open till midnight!!!) and I bought a whole cart full of food to cure that itch.

Today, I spent my whole work day thinking of what to cook. And then I sent off massive texts to whoever and everyone that I knew. Wednesdays I get off work an hour earlier than usual so I went home and cooked up a storm. Whilst tidying my place up a bit (so that it looks somewhat presentable) I realized that I only had two chairs. Two glasses. Two mugs. And two spoons. Crap….I didnt even have enough plates or bowls so I had to cook and wash at the same time.

Anyhow, I think I got too excited with inviting people, so I toned it down a little and it came down to five people. On the menu was beef with brocolli; soy sauce chicken; garlic cabbage; eggs and tomatoes. There were little obstacles - I managed to drop my salt canister into the eggs so it was super salty and I tried to save it with a whole load of sugar and water and it miraculously turned out okay…but for the most part I was quite impressed with myself (even if I say so !)

Everybody seemed to like my food (or so they say) and they kept praising me so much that my head officially went two sizes larger. The best part was that every dish was cleaned out. Oh, I feel like such a grandmother, but I love it when people eat alot of my food. Especially when they finish everything!!

Maybe I should just get married and be a housewife so I can have a nicer kitchen and cook all day long!!

Realization

Realizaiton - coming to understand something which you did not before.
Awoken from my sleep, I tug my eye mask off and groan as I squinted at the time. It’s 3am..what is that sound?Trying to focus on what was coming from the floor below, I thought I heard munching noises. Confused, I sit up and peer down into the living room to the couch where she was sleeping. Except, she wasn’t sleeping. With the dim lights flickering from the muted TV, I could see her sitting cross-legged on the couch. Eating. Actually, no. The word eating was an inadequate description of what she was doing. It was beyond anything I had ever seen. It filled me with disgust and horror. One, two, three, four, five. Five family blocks of chocolate lay in her lap and around her. I watched her literally drink it down at an alarming speed. Not wanting to make a scene, I quickly laid back down on my bed and willed myself to sleep. However, my mind kept flashing back to her. It was just like those animes where the evil character finally gets ahold of something he always wanted and his eyes gleamed with evil delight. That was what she looked like. Out of control, almost possessed. It was a horrible, horrible image. But I could not erase it from my mind.

The next morning, I woke up and everything seemed fine. I went downstairs and she was already up, watching TV. We exchanged our good mornings and I subtly avoided the topic of food or eating. She was watching Plastic Beauty, a show about the pros of plastic surgery and how attractiveness makes you more appealing, seem more intelligent and just have a better life. Seeing it as a good chance to discuss some problems with her, I asked her what she thought of that show. I told her how its dangerous to be so obssessed over looks and weight, and that guys don’t even like skinny girls. She disagreed, saying that it’s difficult because media portrays it as you have to be beautiful and skinny. And guys like skinny girls with big boobs. And then she gets up to take a shower.

As she was in the shower, I played a little detective on my behalf. I felt bad for prying into her privacy. But I felt even worse when I found her stash of chocolate. All empty boxes. About a dozen or so. Feeling scared, I shove it back into her backpack. Why did she have to hide all the empty boxes?

Thoughts race through my mind. I never see her eat. She’s constantly in the bathroom. She’s been here for a week, and we’ve used four rolls of toilet paper already. I saw laxatives in the bathroom and she told me because she’s bloated and feels constipated. All she eats are crackers. Oh gosh. There’s one thought which I’m trying hard to ignore. Maybe she’s got an eating disorder. I hate the way the words form in my head, I hate the way they look. I can’t bear to think of my friend like that. Trying hard to push it from my mind, I knew there was something wrong. I’ve read enough books and studied 4 years about psychological illnesses to know that there was something really wrong with my friend. Now, the question is, what do I do?

my quest for size zero and thinking 36 negative things about my body each day

As I was surfing the net, I came across this article about how women beat themselves up over their body image. So being curious and bored (the best innovations come up at this time), I googled “size zero”. Surprise, surprise, there were millions of articles among the likes of “how to attain the perfect size zero”. Hmm…who’s to say size zero is the perfect size? I thought size zero was a newly made up size…so was every other woman imperfect and flawed up to that point? Well, anyways, I saw something that caught my eye…

"Women think, on average, 36 negative thoughts about their body images on a daily basis".

Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement there. And for a split second, I did feel bad about myself. Well, because I am generally happy with my body shape even though it is somewhat shapeless but I don’t think bad thoughts about myself often, AND I know and see many fabulous looking girls who wouldn’t have any bad thoughts to think about themselves….so, who thinks these 36 bad thoughts a day?? I certainly don’t. I feel scared thinking that women around me, or people I know are so deluded about how they look! Of course, I’ll have my fat days (which I have been having more of late…however, this shall be discussed later on). But I don’t beat myself up over how I look like. Sometimes, I think, I’d be much happier if my waist was smaller. But, do I despair and hide at home just because I think that? Certainly not. Rather, I forget it the moment I see fried chicken and beer. But reading article after article on how girls starve themselves; have realistic ideals; think they’re fat…..it just makes me somewhat angry but sympathetic all the same. I am angry because I feel it is so superficial and shallow. People have much more worries in life than what they weigh. And a friend once quoted, “It’s not called self-esteem for no reason….how can I help you make yourself feel better about yourself?? It’s your own fucking problem!” hahahaha….but it does hold some truth to it. It is about your mind, so it should work inside out - not making yourselves thinner so you could be happy…It doesn’t work that way!

However, I know it is difficult. As I said, I was having more FAT DAYS lately. Why? Well…because recently, there’s this girl who’s quite obsessed over how she looks and what her size is and what she eats ans that it’s rubbing off me. Because when I’m eating rice (which I honestly cannot live without), she’ll make a comment about how she doesn’t eat carbs cos they’re fattening and just empty calories. Or when I finish my dish and she tells me she’s full after two bites. Or the fact that she might have an eating disorder when she’s very slim and attractive looking and I’m eating like a real person but made to feel bad because I should be the one worrying about my waistline… it certainly doesn’t act as a pick-me-up nor a feel-good drug. And then I realized being with her has made me much more conscious and when I eat something I think about how many calories it has (when I never used to), or how I try to mentally recap how much food I ate in that day… I think I’m actually losing weight but still stressed out over how I’m fatter and not as weight conscious as that certain person. And I certainly don’t feel happy..instead I feel trapped in a horrible cycle!!

Then I came across this blog about a show called My Quest for Size Zero where girls of size 12 have to shrink down to a size 4 (US size 0) in the short time span of 8 weeks. Holy crap! But the show is trying to prove how size 0 people aren’t naturally thin and they starve themselves and don’t eat and obsess over calories, etc…so i guess it is a good alternative to all these “you’re ugly you need plastic surgery and you need to drop 10 kg or you won’t have any dates” kinda crap that’s always on tv. One of the participants talked about how she kept losing weight and her girl friends were envious, but she felt more and more insecure and stopped going out and got depressed! It all sounds crazy, but I don’t know how celebrities do it. They starve and go on crazy diets and then have to pretend like they’re normal and they were just born skinny! I feel so sorry for them.

Another article that actually made me laugh out loud was one where Posh Spice (or Skeletal Spice) says she can fit into jeans made for seven-year-olds. And then she goes on to say how she’s banned size zero models for her fashion brand because she doesn’t want girls to feel pressured to be skinny. She says that girls can be beautiful in any size and that’s what her brand is about - looking good no matter what size you are. Yes Posh, we girls hear you! You stay your super skinny self and tell people it’s okay to be fat. Wow….. dieting certainly causes brain damage too!! So much that full-grown women go about wearing their son’s pants and starve themselves while advocating others to be confident in their own skins……………

need I say more??