A 3-course meal? ...How about a Buffet?

Bad things usually comes in three’s. So it’s almost like a 3 course meal of shit. First you got your appetizer, then your main and then you wash it all down with a big plate of dessert. Except it isn’t as wonderful as it sounds and it really sucks that you have to sit through plate after plate of shit. But sometimes, even a 3-course meal of shit doesn’t cut it. 

And that’s when life gives you a whole friggin’ buffet of shit. There are millions of shit everywhere and you just don’t even know where to start. As if that weren’t bad enough, there are always those eager-eyed waiters who take away your plate before you’re even done and you’re left to go get another plateful of shit. And it repeats. Until the people around you seem satisfied and ready to leave. That’s when you can breathe a sigh of relief and can say goodbye to all that shit. 

Wait, no, it doesn’t end yet. You go home feeling so full and bloated and those feelings hang around for days on end. You might get constipated, or maybe get diarrhea. You might even gain 3 pounds. And you’re probably going to be really gassy for a couple days. You just gotta wait it out until all those nasty side effects subside.

People say when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade out of it. Well, what happens when life serves you shit? What’d you do then?

learning..good or bad?

I think it’s a funny thing, the way we learn. Event A happens once (unexpectedly) and it creates an impression in our memory. If an event similar to A happens again, we form a link between the event and the outcome. Any other event that occurs in the subsequent future which is somewhat similar to Event A will elicit those feelings and behaviors and emotions in us.

It’s wonderful because it saves us a lot of trouble and probably saves our sorry asses too. Eg. Don’t touch the burner!! On the other hand though, it may cause us to overreact. The latter seems to have happened to me today. And now I feel a little judgmental and mean and…well…basically I’m a bitch.

So here’s what happened: Around last year March, EVENT A happened to me. It was unexpected and a little shocking. I felt devastated almost. Then around August last year, a similar thing happened again. Let’s call that EVENT B. So I learnt to connect the dots and I drew the line.

[WOAH…even I find it confusing reading what I’ve just typed. Well, I don’t want to reveal too much because my blog isn’t a personal pour-out-the-contents-of-my-heart-and-soul blog….anyways, bear with me!!]

So today, EVENT C occurred and immediately, I thought to myself, this is exactly what happened in A and B. Damn it! So before I let the consequences happen and let myself get sucked in and upset again, I acted out.

I retaliated. I put up a front.

Only to realize that it was not the way I had thought it was. I made a mistake. EVENT C was not the same as A and B.

And now, rather than being the strong survivor or the Oh-poor-you-victim….I am now De-Bitch.

So learning. Is it good or bad? Can I just say, I was quick to learn? Or am I really a judgmental bitch? And should I shut up now and go make my man a sandwich instead?

a little itch

What a sexy lady! I love women from that era~

Okay so I’ve been having this dry skin dilemma and I have been itching all over my body! I scrubbed and scrubbed and put on layer after layer of lotion and nothing worked. I even broke out in a rash on my legs because I had some allergy reaction to the body lotion. It sucks when you have sensitive skin. So, for anyone who has bad sucky skin which reacts to anything … first, read the back of the bottle. After my 15th or so adverse reaction, I finally realized there was some connection. Call me slow, but at least I figured it out. So the more blah-blah-chemical names that you can’t even pronounce, BAD. Here’s a little DIY I want to share with you guys today…. well, girls, but hey, gender equality issues so I guess boys can scrub their bodies too. Just don’t tell anyone. Don’t tell me at least. I still like to think there are manly macho men out there who live in caves and hunt and speak ape….mm, sexy.

Anyway, easy as hell to do is this body scrub. I’ve been using it a few times now and my skin doesn’t resemble snake skin anymore!! Sorry to put that image in your head but that’s what the cold weather does to you. Turns you into a reptile. So some brown sugar, some oatmeal, some honey and a tiny bit of body wash. Mmm….you could almost eat it for breakfast (hence the body wash in it….it does kinda stop me from scooping it into my mouth). And there you go! A yummy smelling good-for-you scrub that you can use without the fear of breaking out and looking like a bumpy monster. (I’m not creating good images today, am I?)

There is a bit of a downside to this scrub though. After I use it, I end up sniffing my skin and touch my legs constantly. So I look like a bit of a weirdo. But seriously, this stuff smells so good.

It’s your choice really. Look like a reptile with a rash outbreak? Or a nice-smelling, pretty-skin self-absorbed bitch who keeps touching and sniffing her own skin?? "Duh…..winning!” - as said by Charlie Sheen. I’d love to interview him and just…observe him. His brain fascinates me.

To solve EVERY question you ever had in mind.

One fine day, I was strolling around in one of my favourite places in the world - the supermarket (those who know me would know how much I like K-mart…or Homeplus). Anyways, I wanted to eat fruit. So I went to the fruit section and lo and behold I see a “dragon fruit”. That thing looks pretty amazing for a fruit. It’s not as intimidating as a pineapple, but not boring like an apple. I like to think of it as a cross-over…it’s red like an apple, with spikes kinda like a pineapple. So I don’t know why they didn’t call it the PINE. Anyway, I bought one.

So now I’m at home and I don’t really know how to go about eating this fruit. Do I peel it? Cut it? What do I do? Life can really be a maze sometimes. Thank God for other idiots like me. I type “How to cut a dragon fruit” into where else but YouTube and there are 91 videos teaching you. NINETY-ONE.

So I believe there was one original idiot who thought “How do I cut a dragon fruit? Hey, what if there were millions of other people out there who also didn’t know how to cut one up? I really should post a video teaching them how to do it…because you know, life would seriously suck if you didn’t know how to cut up a dragon fruit.” Okay, that….sounds reasonable enough to me.

But then … when the second guy came along, what was he thinking?? “Oh, I really want to eat this fruit but just how the hell do you cut it up? Oh hey, there’s a guy on YouTube teaching it….wait a minute, why is there only ONE video? How should other people know that his way is the only way? Well I better put up a second video using a different method…you know, just so people get to keep their options open.” Okay, I guess that is borderline justified.

But now, what about the 89th person who did a video about the exact same thing? What was going through his mind? “Hey! Here’s a chance for me to be absolutely redundant!! YAY for me!”

Well, either way, I am still somewhat grateful for these weirdos who had too much time on their hands (and I guess a dragon fruit too). But what’s not to say about myself? I also consider myself to be part of the gang now because I actually thought of YouTubing for answers. God knows what I’ll do next.

**When I was typing this post, I wanted to get an exact count of the number of videos from the search “How to cut a dragon fruit”. As I typed “How” the first auto-fill was “how to kiss”. Seriously? This is the first suggestion? Does that mean there are millions and millions of unfortunate people who need YouTube to teach them how to kiss? After seeing that, I feel a little better about my own dragon fruit question……and now I’m going to watch the video on “how to kiss”…well you know, not like I don’t know, but….just in case….