I’ve come to the point where I am constantly doing something that if I sit down for 2 minutes, I am asleep. Yes. I do my readings in between tutoring kids. I used to always laugh at the people who would actually run towards subway stations because I thought the train comes every 2 minutes. But now 2 minutes is a lot. I am one of those who power walk everywhere. And frown at the people who mill about and stand in my way. My supervisor at my practicum site likes to send me pdf files of 15 page articles 3 hours before our meetings and then give me a pop quiz on the content. I check my email like a madman. I am lucky I have an ipad and can at least download stuff to read. When I am teaching kids vocabulary, a part of my brain is reciting the etiology of schizophrenia. Then I think, I am going through almost all the environmental stressors that trigger mental illness.
So yesterday, I had nothing to do. Yes. I was so shocked that I checked my schedule, diary, phone and email 5 times. My wonderful boyfriend decided to give me a “fun day”. So he picked me up early morning, we had pizza, went to the beach, walked in a flea market, went for happy hour with a bunch of friends and then watched a movie at home.
In my brain, it was an absolutely fantastic day. However, in reality, I constantly had this weird nagging feeling of guilt. Yes, guilt. Because I kept thinking, I should be studying, I should be preparing, I should be planning lessons, I should be reviewing my clients’ cases. By lunch time, I was exhausted. Just laying on the beach doing nothing exhausted me.
But nonetheless, I am glad I took a break. Even if forced. I had a day where I did nothing, shopped, laughed and had fun. (Although it tired me terribly!!)
THANK YOU!!
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| I did enjoy myself and engaged in my hobby of taking photos of other people whilst posing :) |
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