my quest for size zero and thinking 36 negative things about my body each day

As I was surfing the net, I came across this article about how women beat themselves up over their body image. So being curious and bored (the best innovations come up at this time), I googled “size zero”. Surprise, surprise, there were millions of articles among the likes of “how to attain the perfect size zero”. Hmm…who’s to say size zero is the perfect size? I thought size zero was a newly made up size…so was every other woman imperfect and flawed up to that point? Well, anyways, I saw something that caught my eye…

"Women think, on average, 36 negative thoughts about their body images on a daily basis".

Wow, that’s a pretty strong statement there. And for a split second, I did feel bad about myself. Well, because I am generally happy with my body shape even though it is somewhat shapeless but I don’t think bad thoughts about myself often, AND I know and see many fabulous looking girls who wouldn’t have any bad thoughts to think about themselves….so, who thinks these 36 bad thoughts a day?? I certainly don’t. I feel scared thinking that women around me, or people I know are so deluded about how they look! Of course, I’ll have my fat days (which I have been having more of late…however, this shall be discussed later on). But I don’t beat myself up over how I look like. Sometimes, I think, I’d be much happier if my waist was smaller. But, do I despair and hide at home just because I think that? Certainly not. Rather, I forget it the moment I see fried chicken and beer. But reading article after article on how girls starve themselves; have realistic ideals; think they’re fat…..it just makes me somewhat angry but sympathetic all the same. I am angry because I feel it is so superficial and shallow. People have much more worries in life than what they weigh. And a friend once quoted, “It’s not called self-esteem for no reason….how can I help you make yourself feel better about yourself?? It’s your own fucking problem!” hahahaha….but it does hold some truth to it. It is about your mind, so it should work inside out - not making yourselves thinner so you could be happy…It doesn’t work that way!

However, I know it is difficult. As I said, I was having more FAT DAYS lately. Why? Well…because recently, there’s this girl who’s quite obsessed over how she looks and what her size is and what she eats ans that it’s rubbing off me. Because when I’m eating rice (which I honestly cannot live without), she’ll make a comment about how she doesn’t eat carbs cos they’re fattening and just empty calories. Or when I finish my dish and she tells me she’s full after two bites. Or the fact that she might have an eating disorder when she’s very slim and attractive looking and I’m eating like a real person but made to feel bad because I should be the one worrying about my waistline… it certainly doesn’t act as a pick-me-up nor a feel-good drug. And then I realized being with her has made me much more conscious and when I eat something I think about how many calories it has (when I never used to), or how I try to mentally recap how much food I ate in that day… I think I’m actually losing weight but still stressed out over how I’m fatter and not as weight conscious as that certain person. And I certainly don’t feel happy..instead I feel trapped in a horrible cycle!!

Then I came across this blog about a show called My Quest for Size Zero where girls of size 12 have to shrink down to a size 4 (US size 0) in the short time span of 8 weeks. Holy crap! But the show is trying to prove how size 0 people aren’t naturally thin and they starve themselves and don’t eat and obsess over calories, etc…so i guess it is a good alternative to all these “you’re ugly you need plastic surgery and you need to drop 10 kg or you won’t have any dates” kinda crap that’s always on tv. One of the participants talked about how she kept losing weight and her girl friends were envious, but she felt more and more insecure and stopped going out and got depressed! It all sounds crazy, but I don’t know how celebrities do it. They starve and go on crazy diets and then have to pretend like they’re normal and they were just born skinny! I feel so sorry for them.

Another article that actually made me laugh out loud was one where Posh Spice (or Skeletal Spice) says she can fit into jeans made for seven-year-olds. And then she goes on to say how she’s banned size zero models for her fashion brand because she doesn’t want girls to feel pressured to be skinny. She says that girls can be beautiful in any size and that’s what her brand is about - looking good no matter what size you are. Yes Posh, we girls hear you! You stay your super skinny self and tell people it’s okay to be fat. Wow….. dieting certainly causes brain damage too!! So much that full-grown women go about wearing their son’s pants and starve themselves while advocating others to be confident in their own skins……………

need I say more??