What is this feeling that I have?

I’m torn in two by this time of the year. Yes, New Year’s Eve. Something that I look forward to but also dread at the same time.

On one hand

• a new year, a new start, new things to look forward to, new things to embrace
• a time for partying like there’s no tomorrow
• I can wear extremely sparkly and sequinned dresses that I would otherwise have no chances to
• I can be drink all the champagne in the world

On the other hand

• A year has already gone by?! What the hell have I done with my life the past year? A time for sad sad reflections and feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing 
• it’s a terrible time to go anywhere since there will be truckloads of people EVERYWHERE. I do not want to party. I do not even want to step outside the safety zone of my apartment door.
• I do not have any over-the-top sequinned and sparkly dresses. *I have nothing to wear for NYE* cue panic attack
• I will be really drunk and wake up terrible the next day.

So….do you all feel the dilemma that I feel? What is this feeling of dread that I have sitting in the pit of my stomach? Is it…*gasp*…AGE?? Am I too old for crowds, party and … too many young people? Oh My Goodness….what is going on?

So am I the only one or do you all feel this two-sided battle going on as well? I always love a good gathering with friends, but crowds and hangovers do scare me now….

And I DO NOT HAVE A SPARKLY DRESS TO WEAR~~~ OH NOOO!!! 

PS. looking through magazines for “New Year’s Eve Party Dresses”, most have forgotten that it is very cold here during countdown season. Will the dress have the same effect when I have a coat, scarf, and tights? 

PPS. Winter is a time for me whinge….