my imaginary tan

I went into 3 different drugstores looking for a self-tanner….and the result? I ended up buying sunscreen. How did that even happen??

1) There was not one self-tanner in sight. I tried to ask the saleslady but I had no idea what you call a sunless self-tanner in Chinese. I ended up asking awkwardly for something that “makes my skin darker?” She just looked at me weirdly. Then she said, “Maybe you should buy a sunscreen instead.” I walked out.

2) Went into two other different drugstores and set out to locate them myself. Just to avoid the awkward conversation of “but your pale skin is so nice” talk. Hey lady, I don’t need to convince you why I want to be tanned. So leave me be. Well, after walking up and down every aisle, I noticed that there was an entire aisle dedicated to whitening sunscreen. Yes, sunscreen that prevents you becoming tanned and makes you whiter at the same time. Wow. Technology has certainly advanced.

3) So I ended up picking up the bottle and reading more about it. And I then I thought to myself, “Is it bad that I never use sunscreen? Might I get skin cancer?” So I tried some on my hands. Smelled pretty bad. Picked up a different brand and squirted some onto my arms. OOOhhh….smells like apricot and coconut. I thought, “Well, if I can’t be tanned, at least I can smell tanned and summery…and just have an imaginary tan”

4) And then I bought it. SPF 50 PA++++ All that plusses and symbols just means that I ain’t getting tanned anytime soon.

5) Then I remembered why I gave up trying to be tanned a long time ago. It just ain’t happening, girl.

According to this chart, I would say I qualify for a Computer Programmer ;)